Looking back....

I was bored and I started looking back on my older blog posts.
As I was reading I realized I can slowly see my depression progressing.
I never thought it was that noticeable but after reading my earlier posts which were full of jokes and were bubbly and then reading some of my newer posts which are just blah. Not funny, not full of fun.
What happened?
And then I realized my life has been a whirlwind of stress, fights with my family, family drama, and massive anxiety.

The past 2 years have been terrible.
I've had to deal with family coming to visit and staying way too long.
My dad attacking me and blaming me for things that weren't even my fault.
My brother moving in with us (we don't have anything in common and don't really get along)
Fights with my mom over the above problem.
FIghts with my kids about sharing their toys because they have to share a room and no one gets what they want.

MANY MANY MANY fights.

I guess I'm just feeling overwhelmed.
I just want my family back to normal.
Where everyone sort of gets along and no one is yelling at anyone for anything.

I feel like my kids suffer the most from all of this.
No one wants to visit us anymore
No one wants to go places with us anymore
I go everywhere by myself. And I mean everywhere.
Its a rare occasion when someone actually WANTS to come with us.
Why?
Because no one wants to start a fight over nothing or bring anything up that will start a fight.
No one ever has anything nice to say.
We all have something to complain about.
It's very frustrating.

It's hard to get on my blog and be bubbly and write about things that are funny when nothing is really funny right now and hasn't been. Which is probably why I haven't been writing as often as I used to.

It's not just my family issues.
I've had health issues which I think is also from stress.

I need to find a way to improve myself so I can be happy again.
So I've decided when Matthew starts school and I can afford it, I'm going to get some exercise equipment and start working out. Better my body and maybe my body won't attack me anymore and I can start feeling better.
And in the words of Elle Woods,

" Exercise gives you endorphin's. Endorphin's make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands, they just don't"

Only in my case its not my husband, its my family.

I just wanna feel good again.
I don't want to feel like a crazy, ready to snap at any moment freak anymore.

Kudos to my husband for having to put up with all these issues and my emotions. It's a lot to take.

Sorry for the depressing rant but I needed an outlet.

I think with Matthew starting school next week its opening feelings that I didn't know were an issue.
He's starting kindergarten! I feel like its the end of his baby/toddler stage and the next thing I know he's going to be graduation....
I know he's going to have so much fun and I know it will be a welcome break from him... I just don't want him to grow up.

Next post will probably be from his first day.....


I'm not ready.

Disneyland!

We took the kids to see Bee-ba (great grandma) this past week. We had SO much fun! It was so nice to get out of the AZ heat. Even though its not a whole lot cooler in California.
We celebrated my birthday. The big 2-7!
We took the kids to Disneyland last Monday. It was Kourtney's first time there. She had SO much fun! She is fearless, so every ride she was just excited about. No hesitation at all!

Matthew had lots of fun too. He was a little more hesitant. He didn't really remember our last visit so everything was new and scary. Haha.
IT WAS HOT!
Technically it was only 85 degrees but the humidity makes it like 105 degrees. We were dying.
Luckily the little carts were selling mister fans. They were already filled with water and sitting in ice so they were AMAZING! We bought one and I'm pretty sure thats the only thing that saved us while we were there!

This Disney trip was a little strange for me.
In the past 7 years I've been married and going to Disneyland I have never, not gotten a churro or a souvenir. I make a point of stopping and getting both of those things. This time I didn't get a churro and I didn't even want a souvenir!
I think the people at the end of the night and the heat of the day just crept up on me and I got really irritated and just wanted to leave.

We lost a bunch of stuff too!
Matthew lost his sunglasses first thing getting off the tram at the entrance to the park.
I accidentally left our treasured mister fan on the monorail and it was GONE! I realized this while we were eating lunch and I almost cried. I was so upset because we had relied so heavily on that little fan to be even remotely comfortable.
Luckily we decided to stop at the lost and found to see if by some miracle someone had returned our fan. They didn't BUT they happened to have one and they gave it to us! And earlier in the day when we bought ours the guy told us if it breaks or leaks we can take it to any cart and they will exchange it. Well the one at the lost and found leaked so we exchanged it and got a new one!! So it worked out.
Then we realized we had NO wipes. NONE.
We learned that Disneyland does sell wipes and for only $2.49!
That's cheaper than walmart and target!
Turns out we left the wipes in the car.

We were able to see Mickey Mouse. I was pleasantly surprised that Kourtney didn't freak out! She said hi and bye and took a picture and was totally happy to see him! I wish we would have been able to see Minnie but her line was 45 min long and when we went back later she was gone. :(

This was also the only Disney trip I've done where I didn't get on ANY of the big rides. The one we tried to ride was Thunder Mountain and the second Matthew and I got in line they announced it was not working. Figures.
So we really went and only rode the kid rides. And I was okay with that. The kids had tons of fun and it was fun just to watch them enjoy themselves.

We were completely exhausted by the time we got back to Grandma's. Matthew and Berto passed out almost instantly. I stayed up for a little while but mostly because Kourtney was SO tired she couldn't stop crying. It was sad.

On Tuesday we took Grandma to Solvang for salt water taffy.
We literally drove 2 hours for 2 bags of salt water taffy and some pastries. It was totally worth it. Such a pretty drive too.

We came back Wednesday.
Back to reality.

It was a nice break. Can't wait to do it again!
Here's some pictures!

We had these painted at disneyland! We love them!

TWO HOURS, a ton of frustration, and ignoring my poor kids later......

I HAVE FINALLY CUSTOMIZED MY STUPID BLOG!!!

Ever since Blogger did their update like 2 years ago I haven't been able to customize mine. Mostly because I'm computer illiterate and don't understand all the codes and templates and things of that nature!
BUT this morning I was determined to figure it out and I WON THE WAR!!

After a ton of tutorials and screaming at the computer and telling my kids to wait, it's DONE! It's so pretty! And now that I know how to do it i'll be able to switch it up when I want to and it won't take me another two hours.

I'm so happy!

I have pictures from our trip to Disneyland last week but I need a break from my computer for a little while so I will do that later!

SO EXCITED!

I have a 5 year old!!!!

I'm not sure how I feel about having a 5 year old. He starts kindergarten NEXT month! This has all happened way too fast! Being the most awesome parents in the world, we didn't have a party again this year. We had some family over and had cake but that's about it.  We gave Matthew his gift the night before because Berto had to work all day. We didn't want to be that mean and make him wait all day. 

We got him the Wii U. He absolutely loves it! We scored with his gift this year. So at least we hit one point. 

And yes his nose is completely bruised from falling off his slide and hitting the wall. 

We celebrated the 4th of July with our good friends Rich and Roz. 

We played games, watched movies, and set off fireworks. The kids had so much fun! 

That's pretty much all that has gone on this month. 

We've been laying low since it's so dang hot outside. Hoping to get out of town really soon!

Til next time!